The Dostoevsky Problem

There is a human tendency to take life itself and the good in it for granted, robbing us of our full capacity for joy, awe, and gratitude. One of the ironic truths of life is that we are fully relieved of this tendency exactly when we lose that which we have been taking for granted. I affectionately call this paradox The Dostoevsky Problem. This article will explore the challenges of maintaining gratitude and propose some ways of flipping The Dostoevsky Problem on its head.

In 1849, Dostoevsky was sentenced to death by firing squad.  Kneeling in the mud, back tied to a post in front of 10 soldiers, Dostoevsky saw his life flash before his eyes.  And then, on death’s door, he was pardoned.  Dostoevsky writes about how he was filled with the most remarkable awe and the deepest gratitude to have a chance to live again.  He saw clearly the human tendency to take life and the good in it for granted.  He saw how foolish this was, for now he could see clearly the richness and beauty of life, having just had it taken away.  So Dostoevsky made a vow, never would he take life for granted again!  He would live everyday filled with this deep reverence of life he had gained from losing it all.

Five days later, Dostoevsky reports having forgotten all about his tremendous reverence for life and being settled back into his ordinary routines, taking life and its beauty mostly for granted.  I love this story because it highlights the strength of our habit of taking life for granted.  Dostoevsky seems to have found the golden bullet, returning from the precipice of death, having lost it all, he is radiating appreciation.  Just as when a sick man returns to health, he takes nothing for granted, seeing what a gift it is to be healthy and free of pain.  Having his life almost taken from him does cure him of ingratitude, but the cure doesn’t last.

So if a last minute pardon from death doesn’t solve the problem, what will?  Whether it's the loss of a loved one, a job, or our health, we often fail to recognize the value of these gifts until they're stripped away. How do we flip this tendency and fully appreciate what we have before it's gone?  To counteract this tendency, we must begin to exercise our gratitude neural circuitry.

There is a similar paradox to the Dostoevsky problem that doesn’t get talked about nearly as much.  It is called the beach bod paradox.  Unfortunately, our biceps have an annoying tendency to decay and wither.  No matter how much we want them to, they will not spontaneously grow.  Only through exercise can we develop our biceps.  The answer to our gratitude dilemma is much the same - we're just not used to looking at it that way.  If we wish to overcome our tendency to take life for granted, we must strengthen our capacity for gratitude through exercise.

The easiest, effective approach is through a simple gratitude practice, such as a hand-of-gratitude.   To do this, simply marinate on five things you are grateful for, counting each one on a finger as you do.  This practice takes only a few moments, and begins to light up the neural circuitry for appreciation in our brains.  Do this exercise now if you are feeling bold.  Notice its subtle yet clear effects.  By intentionally activating gratitude, we begin to wire our brain for it, paving the way for deeper and more spontaneous gratitude.

Just as we must exercise our bodies to build physical strength, we must exercise our minds to cultivate gratitude. Passively waiting for gratitude to spontaneously arise is not a profitable strategy.  The base tendency to be ungrateful wins out.  The good news is that we can actively engage in practices that foster appreciation. Whether it's journaling, mindfulness, or saying grace before a meal, these intentional acts serve as exercises for our gratitude muscles, strengthening our capacity for appreciation over time.

Ok so we can exercise our gratitude and strengthen our capacity, but is there a way to shift our perspective to gain an immediate increase in gratitude?  There is an old story of an elder monk and a novice drinking tea together.  The elder monk holds up the beautiful porcelain tea cup and says to the novice, “you see this cup?  To me, this cup is already broken, and that is what allows me to appreciate it.” We know that we are spontaneously filled with gratitude when we lose something and get it back.  Somehow this monk is sneakily leveraging this truth.  If we can imagine the things dear to us as already lost, as they surely someday will, perhaps we can activate that loss-derived gratitude in advance!  In one spiritual community I lived in, we were instructed to imagine everyone around us as a walking corpse, already dead.  We were surprised to find how much appreciation for the living this exercise engendered. Experiment and see for yourself.  What happens when you visualize the passing and decay of that which you love?  Is the sadness followed by something else?

Confronting The Dostoevsky Problem, we see the paradoxical nature of gratitude and its tendency to be a fleeting presence in our lives. Yet, by actively cultivating gratitude through intentional practices and conscious appreciation, we can begin to transcend this paradox and embrace gratitude before we lose that which we love. While flipping the Dostoevsky problem may be challenging, the rewards are immeasurable—a deeper sense of fulfillment, connection, and joy in the richness of life's experiences.

In embracing gratitude, we honor the preciousness of life and the abundance that surrounds us. Last night, my father was experiencing back seizures.  He woke up this morning to find his back significantly better.  He declared in the kitchen with joy, “ahh I am so grateful for my health right now.  I am absolutely beaming to only be in modest pain.”  Let us live with this kind of extraordinary gratitude for what we have.  Let us learn to do it, however, before we have it taken away.